wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
