i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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