So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
