Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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