Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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