You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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