I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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