Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
