She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
