Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
