I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
