She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
