Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
