It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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