i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
