Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
