His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
