and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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