Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
