I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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