I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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