I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
