did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
how drunk are you?
Several
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
