So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
