Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
