Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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