I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
