I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
