And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
