I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
