My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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