If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
