i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
