i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
