Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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