She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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