I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
