i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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