are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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