I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
