Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
