My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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