You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
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Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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