thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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