My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize