the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
