I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
