I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
