It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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