So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
