i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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