i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
