but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
