Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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