YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
