I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
