I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
