I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
