so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
