Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
