im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
