god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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