Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
