Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
