Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
