at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
PANTIES FOUND
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
