so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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