mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
