i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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