Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
