her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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