I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
