Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
