This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
