they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
