i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
