New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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