I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
