I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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