I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
