were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
