its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
