I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
