I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
