Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
