We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
