Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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